Thursday, July 29, 2010

random advise

If my opinions were important to anyone, and I was able to give them advice, I would tell them, in matters of life choices, be selfish. Meaning:
• If you are getting ready to be engaged, don’t be afraid to look out for yourself. Check your sweethearts credit score, email accounts, and personal history- of course those things should be available to your honey as well; history has a tendency to repeat itself.
• Education is important, and can mean your own security. Don’t let others push you about, finish your education. You are the only one who has the power to shape your future. Other people’s choices can create obstacles, but you are the one who puts yourself on the path, and that path is what leads you to where you will end up. Chose the path wisely.
• Being healthy and staying fit will keep your mind and spirit strong. Take time from the day to be healthy and fit. You will be happier and more mentally independent if you’re healthy and strong.
• Don’t have sex without being married and don’t get married so you can have sex. If you decide now to not have sex before you get married it will be much easier to say to the person your heart has fallen for, “now is not the time”, and you want to wait. If you don’t make up your mind to be abstinent, be smart about it. Don’t allow someone to give their infections to you or get you pregnant. Use protection, not just oral contraceptives, but other protection too.
• Stay true to the one you love. Don’t let anyone or thing come between the trust and honesty that a good relationship needs to have.
This is what I mean by “be selfish”. Deliberate decisions like these will make it so much easier to let your heart love with abandon. Being able to love with wild fever is one of the greatest feelings I have ever felt. My wish for anyone who reads this is that they will be able to feel endless love, knowing they have done everything in their power to secure their heart’s safety.


A few weeks ago I decided I should write my own story. Since I only remember a few small things from my very young childhood, most of that part of my life will not be written about. I know that I was born on my due date Aug 25. I was 9 ½ lbs, and long. I was born in Germany at a military hospital. My dad was on training missions and hitched a ride on a helicopter to come home when the news was brought to him. My Grandma Free was visiting from Provo, UT. I can imagine that I was a perfect baby. My mom must have been a loving and grateful woman, because when I think of my early childhood, I remember the warmth of her love, and her smiling face.
My first real memory is of a birthday when I turned 4. I had the most wonderful birthday cake. It was shaped like a butterfly, double layered. My mom always put thought, artistry, and whimsy into our birthday cakes. She used colored pipe cleaners for the antennas. My dad had just purchased a video camera. He opted to get a Beta camera instead of the more popular VHS camera because Beta had better quality film. Since it was the more expensive option, Beta wasn’t loved by consumers and it was hard to find anything Beta soon after that. In any case, we have video in Beta capturing the birthday cake and me dancing on the front porch. I remember my mom having to coax me to keep moving, because “this was the kind of camera you could make movies with”. My parents doting on me with their new camera, the beautiful and thoughtful birthday cake, and my little sister Charlotte dancing with me has made this memory strong and detailed. Whenever I think of it, I feel loved.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Opening in the Sky

The sky was blue, white fluffy marshmallow clouds were scattered about and kept us shaded from the sun. Across the parking lot stood two men, well, dudes. I had been in Cedar City for less than a week. I didn't know anyone except 2 of my room mates. When one of them asked if I wanted to take a ride with her, (I didn't have my own car yet, so I was stranded unless I ran to where I was going, or begged for a ride), of course I jumped into the cab of her big, old, Chevy pick-up. Our destination was a parking lot? Yes, a parking lot. Their names were Gary and Mike. I had never seen Gary before, he was just the average college guy. I had never met Mike before, but when I looked at him he was beaming. I looked around me, "could this be happening," I thought. I looked back at him, he was still beaming. Everything was shaded by the puff ball clouds, except Mike. It was like he was radiating, as if the sun was shining down on just him. (Is that the cheesiest thing you have ever heard? This coming from a person who has gone to great lengths not to be seem like a silly girl, ha!) It was confusing. I remember thinking, "what and why is this happening". When Mike opened his mouth, this came out, "I haven't seen you for so long!". He proceeded to wrap his arms around me in a giant hug, then looked at my face. You can't imagine what was going through my head at this moment, so I will enlighten you. "Is this person really hugging me? Does he think he can just touch me without even knowing who I am and without my permission? He has really great milk chocolate eyes. Why am I not kicking him in the groin? Why does he seem so familiar to me? I have never seen this person before. What's his name again? His arms feel so good around me. He has got to let go. How dare he enter my personal space bubble! Why do I feel like I know him, and why did he say he hadn't seen me for so long? How can we both feel that way when I know we have never met?" All this took just a portion of a second to wind around in my thoughts.

This is how I met Mike :)


We are supposed to keep a journal. I am so bad at it!! This is my attempt.

Personal Memories

When I was 20, I took my dad on a date. I asked him to go with me to the Utah Symphony. It was a business date. I knew my dad wanted things for me that I felt I wasn't capable of. He wanted me to study music at a great music school. He wanted me to serve a mission. He wanted me to have everything a wonderful dad would want for his daughter. He could see past the end of his nose, knew what it was like to be smitten and in love. He knew it clouded people's visions of the future, and that I had put myself in a perfect environment to chose a path that could shape the rest of my adult life. He wanted to protect me from disappointment, heart break, and regret. He also knew that unless he let me chose my own path, I wouldn't be able to find happiness. My parents did everything they could to give me opportunities while not taking away my agency. On the date with my dad, I told him I wanted to get married. That I had considered going on a mission, but that I wasn't taking that road.

I can't imagine what was going through my dad's mind. He didn't tell me what, or when, or why I should or shouldn't do anything. I was so young, just 20 years old. I didn't want anything more than to be married to Mike. I was so totally smitten, wildly in love. I would have walked barefoot across hot coals for him.

The photo I included with this entry seems not to fit well, but this is what I wanted. I wanted to experience life with Mike. Live every moment holding his hand.