Mostly My Journal

Pointless holiday?

2011-10-31T21:05:00.000-07:00

Halloween really is a pointless holiday. Maybe that's why people have grown to love it so much. You can have as much or as little expectation of the holiday as you chose to have. There's no worry about what gift will make someone smile, or if the food will turn out and be hot in time for guest, or worry about which family should be visited this year, or having to remember what year someone was born in, (you don't want to give a person a birthday card with "Happy 40th" when it's only their 37th). You can dress up as much or as little as you want, go to all the parties or none of the parties. No one really cares (I don't anyway). I enjoy Halloween. I like to go to a good party or two, I like to listen to music too loudly and dance the craziness out of the night. I like to put on scary makeup, but not too much because then it doesn't look real. I like to carve pumpkins, dress up my kids, and watch funny scary movies. I am always really glad when Halloween is over though. I have found that the week after Halloween is usually pretty uneventful as far as expectations of other people go. It's the calm before the storm I guess. This year is an exception to that. I am so over scheduled the first week of November it is nuts. Happy Halloween!

Thoughts about prayer, it's a gift.

2011-10-23T23:26:00.000-07:00

My story with Mike started out in Cedar City. After some serious contemplation and thought, I had decided against going to Western Washington University. It was a late decision so I didn’t know what I would do for the next several months. I was graduated from high school, had just quit my summer job, and had decided against going to a school I had been looking forward to going to for a couple of years. A dear friend called to tell me she had a vacancy in the apartment she was staying in, and why don’t I come to SUU. I felt like I was crazy for just nodding my head and saying, ya ok, that sounds good; but it felt right to say, “yes, I’m coming to Cedar City”. My mom always prayed that her kids would be in the right place at the right time. Moving to Cedar City was the right thing for me to do.
I was able to get a scholarship for Harp Performance even though I was registering late for the semester. I was so grateful to receive the scholarship. After many thousands of hours of practice, many thousands of miles traveled to and from lessons, and many thousands of dollars spent, it was an answer to prayer to receive a scholarship. It was a confirmation from the Lord that all the time and energy spent was good and right.
Not long after moving to Cedar City my roommate and I were on our way to help her cousin move some things. We stopped in a parking lot where we met with her cousin. This is where I met Mike . . . in a parking lot. It wasn’t just any parking lot, it was a holy place! The clouds parted in the sky, rays of sunshine shone down upon him, and the angels started singing heralds from heaven. I sat there and stared. My thoughts were, “What? Are you kidding me? Is this really happening? I don’t believe in this!” I was mad! I was not ready to be in love. But, there was something about him that was so familiar. It was as if we were the best of friends, but hadn’t seen each other for a long, long time.
A few years went by. We both took our time getting through semesters of school. I traveled, had some fun jobs, he joined the National Guard, and then it happened, he asked me to marry him- with a ring. Being in Cedar City led me to my best friend and spouse. I am so grateful I was in the right place at the right time. My mother’s prayers were not unheard.
After Mike and I got married, we transferred to the University of Utah. As a Harp Performance major, at the end of each semester I was required to perform two pieces for a panel of music professors. One performance is how my grade was decided. There were five professors who would critique my performance, then tally up the score from each critique. That is how my grade was determined, and if I could remain in the major. It was nerve wracking! I had a toddler and a studio with 25 students, full time school schedule and a husband. It was so hard to find the time to spend in the practice room that my peers were spending. I practiced and I prepared as much as I could. At the end of a particularly difficult semester, I remember sitting in the parking lot next to the music building just before my performance evaluation. After as much preparation and practice as I could get in throughout the semester, I felt like it wasn’t enough. I was terrified I was going to let myself down, as well as my family, and not receive the grade I desired. In a song of fervent prayer I cried out to the Lord. I asked for His help. I needed for my hands and heart and mind to be blessed that I could have a performance that was worthy of the effort and hours I had spent preparing. I felt an incredible spiritual strength I felt as I played for those professors. The spirit that was in the concert hall when I finished playing was substantial and strong. The Lord had most sincerely heard my pleading, and answered my prayer.
Prayer can be offered earnestly, and prayer can be less intense; depending on our circumstances.
Getting out the door with children is not always simple, especially when you’re trying to get out the door for a vacation. You have to make sure everything is in order, the car is packed perfectly, the trash is taken out of the house, the pets have enough food and water, the doors are locked, the lights are off, and on and on. You have to make sure you have the right blankie, and the right toy. If the correct toy is not in the car when you pull away from the house it could cause some serious problems. This summer we had put our vacation off several times, for several different reasons. August was rolling along and we still hadn’t taken our trip. Finally, we were on our way out the door, the car was packed, Emily and Andrew had their seatbelts on, but Samantha was in the house crying. She would not move, she couldn’t find her stuffed animal squirrel. The squirrel’s name is Aurora. It was nowhere to be found. We had spent an hour looking through her room, the backyard, the playroom, backpacks, we felt like we had looked everywhere. Not having her toy seemed so trivial to me. I had lost my patience. She was to be in the car in ten seconds or she would not be going with us. I didn’t want to have to stick to a punishment that entailed leaving my child with someone else while I went on vacation with the rest of my kids. Samantha let out a very specific prayer and asked the Lord to help us find her squirrel in the next 10 seconds. I was immediately prompted to look in her school backpack. There it was, in the bottom of her backpack. Not only did we learn how effective prayer can be, our faith was also strengthened, and Samantha witnessed the power of prayer, which has been a comfort to her since. It isn’t always the life altering miracles that remind us how amazing the gift of prayers is, it is most often the small day to day things that strengthen our knowledge that the Lord loves us and wants us to be happy. Because he loves us and desires us to be happy, he has given us the gift of prayer. In Psalms is says “The Lord hath heard my supplication; the Lord will receive my prayer”. The Lord definitely received Samantha’s prayer that day.
When Mike deployed the first time to Iraq his re enlistment date came up while he was gone. We knew this would happen and had decided that he wasn’t going to re-enlist. When it came right down to it, our prayers for confirmation on that decision were met with fogginess and confusion. When we prayed about re enlisting, it was a clear answer. We felt the Lord’s confirmation that the right thing to do was to re enlist. I really had to have faith that the Lord knew what was best for us. It was a very difficult decision, but we were comforted by the fact that our decision was backed by an answered prayer. We knew Mike would eventually deploy again. And here we are. We don’t know the reasons for the answer to that prayer, but have faith that the Lord is aware of us and those around us. To us is seems like the harder path, but have faith in the answer that was given.
Mike says, “Prayer gives me focus and strength to overcome negative feelings and thoughts. After a good heartfelt prayer my fear subsides and I know I will survive.” I am given comfort and peace knowing that like me, Mike can pray to the Lord and receive answers.
Andrew had surgery this summer. It was a planned procedure that has required a lot of follow up and recovery. When I had to watch Andrew be rolled in to the O.R. and walk down the long lonely hallway to the waiting room I thought I would pass out. My heart ached and hurt so badly. I couldn’t keep the tears from rolling down my face; they just rolled down my cheeks. There was nothing I could do. I had no control. I had just given my sweet little boy over to the hands of strangers. Although there was loneliness in that waiting room and fear of the unknown, I could literally feel the power of other people’s prayers that were being offered in Andrew’s behalf. I am so grateful for the prayers of others. Prayer is definitely a gift. Prayer can offer comfort.
We can receive guidance and wisdom from Heavenly Father through prayer. We can better understand our children and their needs. We can receive insight that will guide us in helping them. Prayer can be a source of comfort. Prayer strengthens families. Earnest, humble, continual prayer generates immeasurable amounts of blessings. It doesn’t matter where we are. It doesn’t matter if we are poor or rich, humble or arrogant, loved or forsaken, we can address our Heavenly Father in prayer. Prayer is an amazing gift from the Lord.

Two Wheels :)

2011-03-13T20:30:00.000-07:00

I know, I am behind schedule . . . Sam is in first grade and I haven't taught her to ride a 2 wheeler yet. But, today I did it. She is on 2 wheels and she loves it. She said, mom, this is way more fun without the training wheels. I have to plug a really cool bike I bought for Andrew. It's called the Strider. It doesn't have any training wheels or pedals. It's supposed to teach kids how to balance better. After riding her bike around the circle a bunch of times, Sam got on Andrew's strider bike ONCE, figured out she could balance and asked to have her training wheels taken off. It was a great suggestion from Char and Andy- thanks guys :) For some reason the video won't post. Too bad, it's really cute.
p.s. Drew likes his bike too :)

This weekend has been beautifully sunny. This week has been full of wonderful things. I am grateful for my kids, my sweetheart, my family, my health, forgiveness, the ability to give and receive love, love love. Smooshy smooshy, cheesy, cheesy, but it's all true :)

good things

2010-12-16T21:41:00.000-08:00

I need to write down the good things I can remember from this week before I forget. Here's a brain spew of them. . .

Mom came for a short visit, I sang a solo in the Messiah for the first time, kids so happy about Granny's visit. Monday morning kids are still happy about Granny's visit, Drew and Sam insist on multiple group hugs. Read stories from the Friend for FHE. Signed Sam up for basketball. Got visit teaching done, made neighbor gifts, delivered most of them. Parent day at gymnastics, kids learning and enjoying their gym class. Car was finally repaired. Christmas cards are finished at the printer, addresses mostly gathered. Gifts starting to arrive in KY. Came up with a great gift for Mike, ordered it. Thanked Sam's teacher and delivered gift to her. Went on a couple of great bike rides, Drew rode in the trailer. Clean sheets on all the beds. Remembered garbage day. Mike scrubbed the entire master bathroom! Mike took the a/c out of the window and back to the shed! Sam and Em are both doing well in school. Went to lunch with Mike :) and Drew :) No one is sick. The laundry is almost finished. I was invited to a book club. The party store is selling everything for 75% off so I got all I needed to finish up Mike's family party. Everyone in Mike's family agreed to their assignments. Taught a harp lesson. Visited with some good friends. Tomorrow is Friday, it is crazier than ever. This has been a really busy week, not too much busier than most weeks, but it feels positive. Lots of things have gone wrong this week, but so much has turned out Great! I am grateful for all this GREAT stuff :)

My Best Christmas Gift

2010-12-08T22:19:00.000-08:00

The morning of Christmas has expectations. Excitement, joy, happiness, love, warmth, companionship, beauty, plentiful, surprise, generosity, and giving are all words that come to mind when I think of Christmas morning. On Christmas morning in 2004, there was a big part of my life missing. As my kids excitedly found what Santa had left them the night before, I watched for their reactions. The were very happy. Watching my children be happy made the ache in my heart pound a little harder. Knowing that their dad wasn't able to be there with them, to experience some of the "firsts" for our littlest, and enjoy the elation of our oldest. The phone rang just as the wrapping paper had all been ripped off the gifts, and the stockings had been scavenged. I laid on the floor with my kids watching them unwrap and eat Christmas candy for breakfast. On the other end of the phone was Mike. That Christmas morning was as complete as we could get it that year. We were all together, if we count being on speaker phone. We all laid on the floor with the phone in the middle of us and talked about what we had eaten for Christmas Eve. We talked about how the weather was in our different regions of the world. We talked about the people we spend Christmas Eve with, the packages we received, and the gifts we gave. During a deployment, holidays are difficult. The Christmas season has expectations. Sometimes those expectations are hard to meet. It is all in our attitude. I feel like I wear my heart out on a wire, like a clothes line. My heart gets hung out and is vulnerable to wind, rain. . The best gift I have received is when I answered that phone call from Mike. He was thousands of miles away, but we were still able to share Christmas morning together.

Respect

2010-12-03T20:45:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking about giving and earning respect. I have recently become friends with a few people who have really made me reflect on what kind of person I am. These people have made me feel like I am a good person, and that they respect me for who I am, the way I am. Do I treat people this way or have I become complacent about how I treat other people? Have I become careless about the attention I give my family and friends? Have I forgotten how to listen when someone is speaking to me? Am I a taker or a giver? I want to be a giver. I want people I come in contact with to feel like I respect them. I want to care about how a person feels and what they are experiencing. I feel like I have lost my way a little. I feel like my possible addiction to instant social interaction (facebook and texting), has effected my human interaction skills.

I went looking for some guidelines to help me answer these questions, and find some ways to modify my behavior so I can get into good habits again. I am a fan of Matt Townsend; he is a relationship counselor. I like his point of view. These are his 5 rules of respect. I have added some of my own thoughts about the rules.

1. Keep private things private. (Keep secrets in the proper places. Respect things that are private to your spouse. Keep your confidences- have the discipline to keep it to yourself.)
2. Honor the people who aren't present. (Talk to people with respect when you are with them, and not with them.)
3. It's more about your delivery than your intent or content.
4. Wow people with words of respect. (Such as, May I, pardon me, please, thank you, forgive me, excuse me, sorry, etc).
5. Pay attention while others speak. (If an important political person was talking to you, it would be easy to sit and listen and tune out the rest of the world. If your toddler is talking to you, it isn't as easy, but so important to show the child that you respect them, and what they care about. Check your text message when the person has finished speaking and your conversation is over).

These rules seem so obvious to me, but I have strayed from some of them. On my way back to keeping these rules, I will remember how good I feel when I am around my new friends, and strive treat others in a respectful and kind way.

Vote for Yourself!

2010-10-12T10:26:00.001-07:00

The Lord is voting for me, and Lucifer is voting against me, but it is my vote that counts.

Ordinary Days

2010-10-07T19:27:00.001-07:00

Today was the most ordinary day for me. It is more extraordinary to have a day like today. An ordinary day is far a few between. The kitchen appliances operated they way they should. I had ingredients for the things I made. There is gasoline in my car, but I didn't drive it anywhere. No one missed the bus to or from school. Home work got finished. Friends came to play. Emily and I had our daily harp practice. I didn't get any worrisome news about my family. All the shoes were where they go this morning. I was busy, but not overly busy. I am grateful for a quiet day like today. Today was one of those magic ordinary days.

More Seat Belts

2010-09-23T08:15:00.001-07:00

I have this cute little car. It is fast, and fun to drive. It has enough seat belts for my family, but my family is growing up and they are so squished in the back seat. I know I won't be getting a new car in the near future, but it would be great to have that happen. We travel so often it is nice to drive a car that has a great turning radius, super easy to parallel park, and gets decent gas mileage. Although, being able to put each kid on their own row, or even in a wider seat would be so nice for all these long drives we can't seem to go without. I would love to try out an electric Suburban or Expedition. Haha, of the two, I would chose the Ford. Why? Well because my taxes aren't going towards their bail out. In any case, I love my car, but wish it was wider. Any mom with kids filling up the backseats can relate to the craziness that happens when siblings poke, sing, spill, elbow, steal, color on, etc each other. A few more inches between the kids would be helpful in avoiding distracted driving. Okay, this is my new angle- I need a bigger car to avoid being distracted while driving. It is a safety issue after all.

Creepy People

2010-08-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

Prank calls might be considered funny if you are in elementary school calling your friend to tell them that you are a girl/boy who has a crush on you. (I personally think prank calls are lame, and if I find out my kids prank call, they will loose their telephone privileges). I can see that some people think pranks are funny, and maybe they might think they can prove a point with them. That's all for now.

random advise

2010-07-29T05:36:00.000-07:00

If my opinions were important to anyone, and I was able to give them advice, I would tell them, in matters of life choices, be selfish. Meaning:
• If you are getting ready to be engaged, don’t be afraid to look out for yourself. Check your sweethearts credit score, email accounts, and personal history- of course those things should be available to your honey as well; history has a tendency to repeat itself.
• Education is important, and can mean your own security. Don’t let others push you about, finish your education. You are the only one who has the power to shape your future. Other people’s choices can create obstacles, but you are the one who puts yourself on the path, and that path is what leads you to where you will end up. Chose the path wisely.
• Being healthy and staying fit will keep your mind and spirit strong. Take time from the day to be healthy and fit. You will be happier and more mentally independent if you’re healthy and strong.
• Don’t have sex without being married and don’t get married so you can have sex. If you decide now to not have sex before you get married it will be much easier to say to the person your heart has fallen for, “now is not the time”, and you want to wait. If you don’t make up your mind to be abstinent, be smart about it. Don’t allow someone to give their infections to you or get you pregnant. Use protection, not just oral contraceptives, but other protection too.
• Stay true to the one you love. Don’t let anyone or thing come between the trust and honesty that a good relationship needs to have.
This is what I mean by “be selfish”. Deliberate decisions like these will make it so much easier to let your heart love with abandon. Being able to love with wild fever is one of the greatest feelings I have ever felt. My wish for anyone who reads this is that they will be able to feel endless love, knowing they have done everything in their power to secure their heart’s safety.

4

2010-07-29T05:35:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I decided I should write my own story. Since I only remember a few small things from my very young childhood, most of that part of my life will not be written about. I know that I was born on my due date Aug 25. I was 9 ½ lbs, and long. I was born in Germany at a military hospital. My dad was on training missions and hitched a ride on a helicopter to come home when the news was brought to him. My Grandma Free was visiting from Provo, UT. I can imagine that I was a perfect baby. My mom must have been a loving and grateful woman, because when I think of my early childhood, I remember the warmth of her love, and her smiling face.
My first real memory is of a birthday when I turned 4. I had the most wonderful birthday cake. It was shaped like a butterfly, double layered. My mom always put thought, artistry, and whimsy into our birthday cakes. She used colored pipe cleaners for the antennas. My dad had just purchased a video camera. He opted to get a Beta camera instead of the more popular VHS camera because Beta had better quality film. Since it was the more expensive option, Beta wasn’t loved by consumers and it was hard to find anything Beta soon after that. In any case, we have video in Beta capturing the birthday cake and me dancing on the front porch. I remember my mom having to coax me to keep moving, because “this was the kind of camera you could make movies with”. My parents doting on me with their new camera, the beautiful and thoughtful birthday cake, and my little sister Charlotte dancing with me has made this memory strong and detailed. Whenever I think of it, I feel loved.

Opening in the Sky

2010-07-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

The sky was blue, white fluffy marshmallow clouds were scattered about and kept us shaded from the sun. Across the parking lot stood two men, well, dudes. I had been in Cedar City for less than a week. I didn't know anyone except 2 of my room mates. When one of them asked if I wanted to take a ride with her, (I didn't have my own car yet, so I was stranded unless I ran to where I was going, or begged for a ride), of course I jumped into the cab of her big, old, Chevy pick-up. Our destination was a parking lot? Yes, a parking lot. Their names were Gary and Mike. I had never seen Gary before, he was just the average college guy. I had never met Mike before, but when I looked at him he was beaming. I looked around me, "could this be happening," I thought. I looked back at him, he was still beaming. Everything was shaded by the puff ball clouds, except Mike. It was like he was radiating, as if the sun was shining down on just him. (Is that the cheesiest thing you have ever heard? This coming from a person who has gone to great lengths not to be seem like a silly girl, ha!) It was confusing. I remember thinking, "what and why is this happening". When Mike opened his mouth, this came out, "I haven't seen you for so long!". He proceeded to wrap his arms around me in a giant hug, then looked at my face. You can't imagine what was going through my head at this moment, so I will enlighten you. "Is this person really hugging me? Does he think he can just touch me without even knowing who I am and without my permission? He has really great milk chocolate eyes. Why am I not kicking him in the groin? Why does he seem so familiar to me? I have never seen this person before. What's his name again? His arms feel so good around me. He has got to let go. How dare he enter my personal space bubble! Why do I feel like I know him, and why did he say he hadn't seen me for so long? How can we both feel that way when I know we have never met?" All this took just a portion of a second to wind around in my thoughts.

This is how I met Mike :)

Journal

2010-07-28T21:52:00.001-07:00

We are supposed to keep a journal. I am so bad at it!! This is my attempt.

Personal Memories

2010-07-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

When I was 20, I took my dad on a date. I asked him to go with me to the Utah Symphony. It was a business date. I knew my dad wanted things for me that I felt I wasn't capable of. He wanted me to study music at a great music school. He wanted me to serve a mission. He wanted me to have everything a wonderful dad would want for his daughter. He could see past the end of his nose, knew what it was like to be smitten and in love. He knew it clouded people's visions of the future, and that I had put myself in a perfect environment to chose a path that could shape the rest of my adult life. He wanted to protect me from disappointment, heart break, and regret. He also knew that unless he let me chose my own path, I wouldn't be able to find happiness. My parents did everything they could to give me opportunities while not taking away my agency. On the date with my dad, I told him I wanted to get married. That I had considered going on a mission, but that I wasn't taking that road.

I can't imagine what was going through my dad's mind. He didn't tell me what, or when, or why I should or shouldn't do anything. I was so young, just 20 years old. I didn't want anything more than to be married to Mike. I was so totally smitten, wildly in love. I would have walked barefoot across hot coals for him.

The photo I included with this entry seems not to fit well, but this is what I wanted. I wanted to experience life with Mike. Live every moment holding his hand.

Emily

2010-06-15T08:00:00.001-07:00

A couple of days ago I let Emily sleep in till late morning. When she still wasn't awake at 9:45 I went to wake her up.
mom "Emily, hunny, it's time to wake up", nothing, "Emily, you need to get up", nothing, "Em, wake up, it is late in the morning".
emily "Mom, why did you wake me up! I was having a kung fu dream!"

hahaha.

Here's another one:
em "will you buy me some skittles?"
mom "Sorry Em, I don't believe in candy"
em "TRAITOR!"

hahaha.

Can you believe it?

2010-05-22T21:40:00.000-07:00

I am having a hard time believing Andrew has had another birthday. He is my sweetheart. I am so grateful I get to be his mom. We had a pirate birthday party for him. He definitely got spoiled. We all had a great time putting the party together, and we all helped. It was a little too windy part of the time, but the sun was out so it was nice enough. Our balloons blew away with the wind, but we had pirate bandannas, swords and eye patches, so who needs balloons? Happy birthday little guy. I love you tons!!

Kindergartner No More

2010-05-17T22:19:00.001-07:00

My little 5 year old isn't in kindergarten anymore. I feel sad about it. I felt sad and happy on her first day of school, but today is different kind of sad. It is the end of a wonderful chapter. I love kindergartners. They are so great.

Push Up, updated

2010-05-10T11:30:00.001-07:00

I have had a few people email me and ask why girl push ups aren't allowed since we are girls. Okay, fine, girl push-ups are allowed. No bums in the air though, let your arms do the work, tighten your abs and your gluts to take some of the pressure off your shoulders. It doesn't matter if you do 100 a day or 3, just keep going till you reach the goal of 1000. I wish I had a cool prize for the first person to reach the goal, but I don't :( Our nicely toned arms will have to be our prize!

P.S. Photo courtesy of Samantha :)
This is after 45 push-ups. When I reach 1000, I'll post another one. Hopefully this image will change a little.

Push Up Challenge

2010-05-09T18:04:00.000-07:00

I want you all to take this push up challenge. I got the idea from my cousin, but his is very different from how I am going to do it.

Only girls are invited, sorry boys, and you have to do real push ups, not girl style. Let's see who can do 1000 push up first! Post your numbers in the comment field if you are in. Don't forget to post your numbers, it will keep me motivated!

Start today- Mother's Day 2010!

Come on, you can do it!!

Side by Side

2010-04-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

Last night I laughed so hard I burned calories. Whoever coined the phrase, laughter is the best medicine was not that far off. I have felt the far reaching, healthy effects of my laugh attack last night, all day today. When I watched The Gods Must Be Crazy, I felt the same way. I walked away with a sore stomach because I laughed so hard in that movie. I am not comparing the movie I saw yesterday with The Gods Must Be Crazy, but the hilariousness had the same effect on me. I love laughing. One of the reasons I like to be with Mike is because he usually is making me laugh about something. We were sitting on the same side of the booth. (He was confused when I sat next to him because the table was set to sit across from each other. At first he tried to be accommodating and move to the other side of the table, but when I wouldn't let him get out of the booth he and the waitress both looked at me like I was crazy.) So, there we were sitting rather close on the same side of the booth, looking at our menus. We laughed about a lot of things, because we talked to each other, not from across the table, but side by side- non confrontational, good conversation. When was the last time that happened? When we went running together, we ran side by side, and talked to each other through our "trying to catch your breath" type breathing you get when you run, when we drove to Cali we sat side by side and chatted the whole way. I honestly can't think of a good conversation we have ever had when sitting across from each other. The side by side conversations have been so much more meaningful and connected than the one's from across the table. The jokes are more fun to laugh at when you are sitting next to the other person laughing, it's easier to hold hands, kiss, put your arm around, whisper into ears, etc when you sit next to each other. Side by side, it is one of my favorite things.

Harps and other stuff

2010-04-20T18:28:00.000-07:00

I have decided to rent out one of my harps. I am sad and nervous about it, but since I am not really using this one, it will be good to at least have some other deserving person using it. And a little bit of cash every month can't hurt either. I hope I can find the right person to use it. They need to be responsible, careful, and love the harp more than the little booger smearing neighbors, and scratching pets. HAHA, did I just say that? ya, I did. In any case, I love my Buttercup. I am going to put a photo up, it is really bad quality, but it is the only one I have right now. I can't find the camera charger in all these unorganized office boxes we still haven't gone through since we moved. Hopefully it will turn up. We have 3 different chargers for this camera. One of them is bound to turn up soon.

Samantha has learned Twinkle Little Star on the harp. It is cute to watch her little fingers close, and her skinny little arm raising on the long notes. She seems to be liking it pretty well. Of course she wants to move onto the next song before she is ready. I am trying to keep it simple, not get crazy about it, but let her be my girl, and not pupil. I want her to love it; I know I can't MAKE her love it. It is so hard to find a healthy balance with many things.

My knee has been swelling and aching the last week or so. I have been trying to avoid it and just work through the pain, but I have conceded. My knee is going to have to win for a few days until it doesn't hurt so bad. I have had to drop out of my race. I am so sad about it. I have let so many people down. I just don't know what to do with this lame swelling and pain. In any case, I am still going to run, just not more than 3 miles right now. First I have to figure out what is going on with my body. I went to Zumba last night with some people I met in my new neighborhood. It was really fun, I am glad to be invited. I will definitely be going back some time soon. It turns out the instructors both know Mike pretty well. They went to high school together. In this small town, there aren't many people who don't know Mike in one way or another. It is pretty cool, and a little creepy all at once.

Too Much Bum Time

2010-04-17T20:55:00.000-07:00

I spent so many hours in the car driving from place to place to place for things that were fun, and things that needed to be done. I feel sick to my stomach because I sat so much. I even carried my running shoes all around with me hoping I would be able to sneak in a jog, but it never happened. Now, I am still sitting on my bum because it is too dark, so I can't go on a run. (Besides, I am having lame feelings, so my excitement to get off my bum isn't really happening.) I hate feelings, wa wa wa. Feeling words. I've never been good at expressing them.

Running

2010-04-07T22:01:00.001-07:00

Running is something I used to do when I was in high school and my freshman year in college. As far as running as a sport or for fitness, my body hasn't visited the activity for many years. For some reason, as mentioned in an earlier post, I agreed to run on a Ragnar Relay team. So, I looked up a training schedule, was more than a month behind, but started in on it anyway. WHAT!? Am I crazy! This is like running a half marathon. For some, who have the marathon achieved already, this is no big deal. But for me, this is craziness! Except . . . after a lot of discouraging emotions and my brain playing tricks, I was able to pass a huge mental barrier today. I ran for over 35 mins straight, and hit a mileage I hadn't yet been able to conquer. I haven't run that amount of time straight through since 1996. I was so happy I felt like I could run another mile, I was actually smiling at the end. Thank you to Callie who sent me an encouraging note with great advise in it. Yeah, may be I can really do this after all.

Spring Snow

2010-04-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

Too many days of spring have been littered with snow. Although the crystal snow flakes are beautiful and melt every day, there has been new snow covering the ground every morning for over a week. Spring means, tulips, daffodils, peaking day lilies, flowering fruit trees, fluffy yellow chicks, warm sun, cool evenings, thunder storms and rainbows, refreshed energy, baseball, bicycle trips to the park, etc. The snow blanketing the ground has kept these wonderful spring things from happening. Patience, patience.

I took a wonderful trip with Mike to celebrate our 11 year anniversary in March. It was so much fun, I don't think it could have been more wonderful. I wanted to stay on that fantastic vacation and have my kids shipped out to me. Alas, reality eventually greeted us on our last day, and we came home. The weather was perfect, the water was turquoise, the food was prepared and delicious, and I didn't do any dishes. Mostly, the water was perfect, and the sun was amazing, and it was wonderful to spend a week with my hunny-bun.

I miss the warmth of my sunny Mexico trip; I am looking forward to the warmth of spring days, and the coolness of spring nights. And for school to be out for the summer. I miss my girls when they are gone all day.

Race!

2010-03-04T23:29:00.000-08:00

I just committed to being on a relay race team! I haven't ever done anything like this before, but I am really excited. It is a Ragnar Relay. I am behind on the training schedule, so I will have to make up the difference somehow. Scared and excited. This should be good.

I miss my students so much. I normally would have taught lessons tonight; if felt strange to not tune the harps, arrange the music on the stands, settle my kids, etc. Moving to this town was the right thing, I know it was- otherwise I couldn't have done it. But it is pretty dang hard. But, . . . there are much harder things.

Mike is stuck in a snow storm half way to Lehi. He decided not to brave the weather anymore and is ducking low in his truck, working on homework, and trying to get some rest before the morning. So, now I can't sleep because I am worried about him staying warm, and driving safe in the morning. I am making that same drive tomorrow afternoon. I sure hope the weather lets up for us. And I can't wait to get a phone call from Mike saying he made it to his destination.

The joys of moving. We moved into a house that was already full of stuff, that stuff is being carefully packed up and stored away. This has been a challenging few days. I still can't find Emily's tennis shoes!! She doesn't mind since there is muddy snow on the playground at school. I had hoped to have so much more done by this weekend than I do. Progress is certainly being made though. You can see the pantry floor! Anyone who has been in this house knows that the floor in the pantry hasn't been seen for many years. The base boards are actually white, not brown, and the stair well hasn't been painted yet, I just scrubbed the walls! Oh, and yes, the toilets are white- just in case anyone forgot, they are supposed to be white, (they weren't white when I moved in, ooo gross.) Like I said, progress is being made. Samantha is really good at washing floors- this is a new discovery. Emily is really good at setting up bedrooms, this is a great help. And, Andrew really likes chocolate milk- new discovery.

This photo is of us eating dinner last night. What a funny dinner we are having- the pantry wasn't unpacked yet so our food options were very limited. I let the kids pick what ever they could find, within reason, because I hadn't found so much of my kitchen stuff. Luckily, the most commonly used items in the kitchen have been located and have a home where they can be found for tomorrow.

My warm bed is lonely. I am going to get in it :)

Changes? Stressors? ha, I will look them in the eye with a warriors yell!

2010-02-21T20:28:00.000-08:00

Life is full of more changes than things that stay the same. Some changes are great, like a good hair cut, or a smaller dress size, or new carpet- even better, hard wood. Some changes aren't noticed, and others, they make the list of top stresses in life.
Top ten stressful life events
1.Spouse’s death
2.Divorce
3.Marriage separation
4.Jail term
5.Death of a close relative
6.Injury or illness
7.Marriage
8.Fired from job
9.Marriage reconciliation
10.Retirement

I only have a few of the stresses listed above, but I just took a test that says if you have a score of over 150 you need to make some serious changes to reduce your stress. Can you guess what my score was? 750, that's right 750! I think that is a load of crap. Let's say I make some changes in my life to reduce the amount of stress I have- what about the changes? changes make more stress, right? I realize now, it is just a circle we go around over and over again. Or, maybe it is just a circle I go around over and over and over and over. . .

As I write this, I smirk at myself, and have to laugh about it. Here I go HAHAHAHHA!

Today was a wonderful day. I made delicious food, had my family over to share it with, put my kids to bed by 8:30, the taxes are finished, and I started a good book. And now, I am going to bed to enjoy my good book.

Goals/Resolutions 2010

2010-01-04T10:27:00.000-08:00

Mike asked me, just as 2010 rang in, what my new year resolutions are. I told him that I feel like I am already working on so many things that I am just going to stay on track with what I am already doing. After pondering about the new year for a few more days I have come up with some new things I would love to be better at. Here they are.
1. Focus on the positive attributes in my family members.
2. Give Samantha a harp lesson every week, and practice with her.
3. Practice with Emily on her flute.
4. Enable Sam, Emily, and Mike to nurture and gain new, healthy, friendships.
I have my work cut out for me. These seem like simple things when written on paper, but in reality they will all be difficult to stick to.

Here's to 2010. 2009 was the worst year of my life. Yes, I lost a lot of weight, but beyond that, hands down, the worst year yet. I have hope for a brighter future. Gaining happiness is an action. Happiness has to be made, it doesn't just happen. Happiness is an ongoing process- once it is reached, the striving for it has to continue. 2010 here I come.

Friends Reconnected

2009-12-27T20:36:00.000-08:00

I was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time tonight. A good friend from long ago popped in to my mom's house with one of my brother's friends. It was so great to see him and catch up a little. Thanks for staying and talking Kevin!

I was telling Kevin how my kids fit into their stereo typical roles of, oldest, middle, and youngest child all too well. My youngest, Andrew (2) came walking over to us and began to jabber about this and that to Kevin. I asked Andrew if he was a big boy. Andrew knitted his brows, looked out of the top of his eyes and said, "I not a big boy, I a giant baby!" with the most seriousness a toddler can muster. I thought I would fall off my chair it was so funny. Of course, Andrew didn't think it was funny, this was serious business.

weight

2009-12-26T20:32:00.000-08:00

I have felt all kinds of weight this year. Weight on my shoulders from being a mostly single mom (while Mike worked out of town for several months). Weight from sadness and the loss of my dad, I miss him so much. Weight from the stress of changing my kids too a different school, (I knew it would be hard, but I didn't think it would be this hard). Weight from unemployment woes, a job would be great. Weight from the heartbreak I have felt in my relationship with my spouse (we are working things out). Weight from my children who can't seem to get over their dog dying, she got hit by a car, we all miss her. But there is one kind of weight that is amazingly good. I have lost 55 pounds this year! I only have one pair of pants that fit. Everything else is too big. It is hard to find something to wear in the morning, but I am not complaining. I have worked really hard to get this weight off of me, and it feels so great to be a normal size. Now, I just need to get some skin removed from a couple of areas and those bikinis will be super hot this summer. HAHHA, not really, I don't have the guts to sport a bikini. But, I could use a new wardrobe! Hurry, someone nominate me for TLC's What Not to Wear!

Christmas 2009

2009-12-26T19:24:00.001-08:00

I don't have new photos for this years Christmas celebration. The camera has been hiding from me for a few days and I am not good at Hide-and-seek. I feel bad that I wasn't able to capture some moments of glee to savor for later. But, my kids say really funny things. Things that are only funny because they are little, if an adult said things like they say, it wouldn't be very good. For instance, Andrew was in the bath last night. I was sitting just outside the door checking my email (away from the bath water, but close enough to see and hear him), he started saying over and over "I have a hole in my bum, mom, I have a hole in my bum!" He was so excited about it. I thought I would pass out from the hilarity of it. Well, now he knows that he has a hole in his bum.

Samantha, last year at the beginning of winter, when the warm coats and boots were just being taken out of the closets, told me that she had Emily's nuts. I was thinking, Emily's nuts? Did Emily have a bag of almonds or something? It turns out she thought she was being really sneaky and she was wearing Emily's snowboots. When I reminded her they were called boots she said, "oh ya, I have Emily's boots", and giggled off to her play with her toys.

Emily is too sensible these days to do anything that might be a little embarrassing. But I do remember that she was so excited to go to church the Sunday after Thanksgiving one year. I think she was about 4 years old. Since being excited for church was about the last thing I expected her to be, I asked her what she was so happy about. She said she was excited for church so we could go have some more chicken. When I questioned her why she thought we were going to be having chicken at church she responded, "we eat chicken at church with our cousins, remember?" We had our Thanksgiving dinner at the church that year with "chicken" aka turkey. Too bad we don't get "chicken" at church every week, everyone (except the cook) would be much happier campers on Sunday. LOL!

We had a great Christmas. I got a beautiful new watch, Mike got some great new jeans, Emily got Zhu Zhu pets, Samantha got lots of Barbies, and Andrew got a pirate ship. We also got a new TV, but have to return it because the LCD screen is cracked. It got damaged in shipping, but of course when we recieved it, just just wrapped the giant box and didn't open it. Hopefully the new one won't take weeks to get here. I was really looking forward to playing Rock Band and watching some great action movies with a great picture. Our old TV is so bad, the color is off, and the picture has even started shifting to the left, it's super annoying. So trivial, but annoying.

There is definately a huge part of me missing this year. I have loved the celebrations, and songs, and excitement of my kids; all of that has been wonderful. My dad's huge presence has been missed like crazy. On Christmas Eve, I kept looking around feeling like someone was missing. I kept looking around for my kids, and for my siblings, neices and nephews. Everyone seemed to be accounted for, but someone or something was missing and I couldn't find it. I just couldn't shake the feeling that someone wasn't there who was supposed to be there. Today, I keep feeling like my dad is just around the corner and I can't catch up with him. Like I just missed him at the store, or he left out of town and I didn't get a chance to give him a hug before he left. My spirit is confused about it. I had dreams about things like that when my brother Sam died. I feel lost.

Ghost Couple

2009-10-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

This is a fun Halloween short that my sister and her husband made. It won 1st place in the BYU Halloween film festival. Click on the Ghost Couple link.

What do spirits eat?

2009-09-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

Emily: Spirits don't eat salt
Sam: Ya, spirits eat crackers
Em: Spirits don't eat crackers
Sam: Ya they do, that's why I took them downstairs, so they could have a snack

Mom: (thinking, WHAT? laughing out loud).

My Dad

2009-09-05T13:03:00.001-07:00

My dad passed away on Thursday morning at 4:25am. I love him so much. Here are a few photos of him.

My Dad
Kind
To anyone he meets
Patient
With anyone who needs more time
Understanding
When challenges try to take us
Listens
To the good and the bad
Generous
With his hope, faith, and charity
Loving
Unconditionally

My Dad
I love Him!

Cate's Wedding

2009-09-01T22:16:00.001-07:00

Cate got married at the end of July. I am pretty sure I already wrote about it, but I have to say it again. It was the most beautiful wedding I have ever seen. Char, Cate and my mom, and all the people they chose to help them did an amazing job. I had Char snap a photo of my people since we were all dressed up. I am glad the wedding craze of the summer is finished. I can't see it lighting up again, like it did this summer, for a long time. Phew!

Mills Fam Camping

2009-09-01T16:51:00.000-07:00

This is just a sample of how it is to camp with Mike and his siblings.

2009-08-30T11:52:00.000-07:00

How can a kid go from being the baby who prefers riding in the sling to anything else in the world to going to Kindergarten in just a matter of moments? I don't know how this has happened. The years have flown by. I am still the same person, struggling, playing tug of war with myself, trying to make it all come together and happen. My kids have progressed, and become little people, part of a community of friends and classmates. I am so happy they are learning and moving on and up in the world. I am proud of Sammy for being so excited about kindergarten. She is excited about homework, and meeting new friends, but disappointed about not being able to ride the bus. She is a cute little school girl. Drewby and I miss the girls during the day.

3rd Grade!

2009-08-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

It is crazy that Emily has left for school. She is in 3rd grade; still a little girl, but on the verge of big girl. Every veteran parent warns new parents that the time goes by so fast, but I couldn't have imagined how quickly the time really does go by. She was just a little soft, dark-curly haired, sweet baby a few months ago, right? I am excited for her to learn new things, and make new friends. I always love hearing about the things she is energized about. I am happy she gets to move on. There is something in my heart that aches a little though.

I remember the first day of the new school year having the feeling of crisp clean air, butterflies in my tummy, and overall excitement. Nothing has changed. Last night Emily woke up, almost too excited to go back to sleep. She packed her own lunch last night, in her new thermal lunch carrier, cleaned out her backpack and replaced her old pencils and erasers with a fresh clean pencil box, filled with her favorite erasers, pencils, ruler and scissors; new shoes, new uniform, and new haircut. What a great kid. I will definitely miss her during the day. But, I love all the new 3rd grade things she gets to learn!

Zumba

2009-08-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever tried Zumba? If you haven't, you should. This is the most fun I have had working out ever, and I have seen the quickest and best results. I still have a long way to go, but this is the most fun I have had getting in shape. Bring it on. (I have gone from well over 200lbs, the photo on the top, to comfortably under it, the photo below. Still a bunch more to go. Wish me luck.)

Things I love part 2

2009-08-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

Last week was so full of too much. Too much that would make you cry your eyes out from sadness, and things that would make you cry your eyes out because they are so happy! I want to list the happy things so I won't forget the happiness.
- Wadsworth reunion in Panaca
including: swimming in the spring, hiking at Cathedral Gorge, horse back riding, fireworks by Nate, Aunt Helen O's 90th bday bash, Tyler got married, Gretchen has a baby (not in Panaca) . . .
- Zumba class (way too much fun, and a crazy workout!)
- Zack home from his mission!
- Cate getting her endowment
- Being able to spend time with family and friends that I don't usually get to see
- Cate got married!!
- Deborah Hansen-Conant concert at Deer Valley

I like harp photos

2009-07-28T12:51:00.000-07:00

My brother in law sent these to me. They are from his wedding. I like harp photos!

What you LOVE

2009-07-19T09:37:00.000-07:00

Doing what I love relieves stress and creates outlets for easing nervousness, as well as giving me opportunities to use my creative energy's. This makes absolute sense, but I forget it too often. When I go into my studio and just play music to my hearts content, I feel revived, and happy. When I swim in the hot summer, I feel at peace with my family. When I write down my thoughts and feelings, I feel relief and more put together. Something else I love to do is dance. I don't really get to do this anymore, except for the impromptu dance party with the kids in the family room every so often. Before the summer is over I am going to go salsa dancing with or without Mike! (Of course, I would chose to go with him, but will he come?)

Greater Good

2009-07-16T05:33:00.000-07:00

Working with someone for the greater good isn't as simple as it sounds. My opinion of the "greater good" might be entirely different from the other persons idea of the greater good. Sometimes we get lost in our efforts to express our true values. For the most part, I believe we surround ourselves with people we have commonalities with. I have found, in my on-going attempt to be a better communicator, that the people around me and I have varying opinions on what the greater good actually is. I try to be a Christian person, to be giving, forgiving, understanding, to live with the spirit of Christ is my life always. I try to live my life this way for the good of the people around me, for my family, and because this is how I want to be. (Always a work in progress). What am I striving for? What is my role here? Can a difference for good be catalyzed by one person? I don't just want to be dulcet, but to make a difference for good, for the greater good.

This has been a good day

2009-07-08T19:53:00.000-07:00

As far as days go, this would be a good one. I didn't sleep much last night because my son has anxiety issues that keep him awake and upset at night. (He's probably feeding off my emotional anxiety that I always have, but more now than usual). Despite being tired, it was a good day. Mike woke up with a positive outlook. He sent me lots of nice texts. He listened when I had something to say, without trying to fix it or change my opinion. He came home and ate dinner with me, played with our kids, and expressed how he was excited to go out on Saturday together. This is just normal stuff to a lot of people, but this stuff made my day a very good day. Thanks to Mike for starting the day off with a positive outlook. It sure made a big difference. Besides having fond feeling toward Mike today, I went swimming with the kids, and some great friends, chores got done, there isn't any laundry to fold, and I am about to start another good book. This is a good day wouldn't you say?

soon the numbers will be in order

2009-07-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

at 12:34:56, 07/08/09, the date will be 123456789. Why do I think that is cool?

07/08/09

2009-07-07T23:24:00.000-07:00

Today hasn't really started yet, but it has a fun number, 070809. Choices are funny in that you can't make choices for anyone but yourself. Who thought that would be a good idea? Oh ya, God- and it turns out I agreed with it. So, I agreed, shall we move on?

Faded Memories

2009-07-01T09:38:00.001-07:00

Not many of my memories include sad memories. Memories I have from childhood are filled with happy things. I know bad and sad things happened, fortunately, those feelings are forgotten over time. For instance, I broke my femur when I was just 4 years old. I remember what I was doing when it happened, who carried me home, having a cast, and crutches, begging to be carried everywhere, but I don't remember getting the x ray, the bone setting, the doctor, or anything having to do with the treatment and recovery of the bone. I was jumping on an in ground trampoline with my cousin who is close to my age, his older sister by 8 years, and my oldest brother by 8 years. When I was getting off the trampoline, I got bounced high and landed one foot on the ground and one foot under the ground in between the springs. My bone cracked. I don't remember the pain associated with the broken bone. I just remember my brother whisking me away to our home. He scooped me up in his big arms, carried me down the hill to our home, and passed me carefully off to my parents. I remember feeling so safe when he picked me up and carried me home, even though the pain must have been terrible. Another example is of mothers. Mothers continue to bare children even though our bodies never are the same afterward, the pain and burning that comes with childbirth is really quite alarming, and the effects mentally and emotionally during pregnancy are so terrible for me. All the effects of being pregnant and birthing, terrible as they may be, haven't kept women or me, from continuing to bare children. All this seems strange to me, but it gives me hope. Hope that we are able to either accept the physical and emotional pains of life, or we are blessed with the ability to forget how bad the pain hurts- emotionally or physically. I hope I will be able to remember just enough of the pain to not repeat past wrongs, and to strive to make the lives of those around me better.

Lehi Round Up Days

2009-06-29T12:19:00.001-07:00

The kids and I always have a fun time at Lehi Round Up Days. A highlight is always the fifty cent face painting. The girls get to earn quarters to spend at the fair. It's a lot of fun. (and I love mobile uploads!)

here we go, this is more like it

2009-06-28T10:12:00.000-07:00

Mobile uploads

2009-06-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

I am trying to get photos to load to this page from my phone. There was supposed to be a photo attached to the "hot date" comment. I wish I could get this to work. It would be so great! I'll keep working on it. It shouldn't be hard, it just isn't working right. Hopefully sooon!

2009-06-28T09:56:00.001-07:00

Hot date with Mike. We went to the arts festival. There were some really great bands. Neil Diamond cover band, some guy playing a huge pipe, jazz, drummers and a Brazilian dance(?) group, and my favorite was a band called Traveler. A mix between Celtic, Rock, and mid-Eastern belly dancing. They were great performers, it was a party!

Safe

2009-06-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

There is something about the emotion of safety. It is beyond a state of being, more than an adjective, it is a necessary fundamental of life. So many of us, at some point in our lives experience life without the fundamental element of safety. When I had someone close to me pass away, I felt unsafe. A broken heart can make you feel unsafe. Living conditions, emotional trauma, and our fears can make us feel unsafe. When Mike was in Iraq I felt unsafe. I was tied to him emotionally as much as I could be from thousands of miles away, sometimes when we were on the phone together the alarms would start blaring and he would have to go take cover. Many times, I wouldn't hear from him for days after that. Loved ones left behind in wartime know that no news is good news. In any case, I felt unsafe during those many many months. Most people don't throw themselves into an unsafe environment just for fun, usually people find themselves there not knowing how they got there, and not having the means to fix it. So many people have taken refuge from tyranny in this country, and this state. They have come here to protect their children and themselves from further persecution. Today, I have felt a huge amount of gratitude for safety. It is something I overlook on a day to day basis, and that is because I have been able to live and grow in a place where safety is abundant. I am grateful for safety.

(side note, I know we need to protect ourselves and our children from predatory people and things)

Mike Mills

2009-06-24T07:15:00.001-07:00

If you knew us when we went to SUU, chances are you also knew a guy named Josh Jones. He had this way of saying peoples names who only had 2 syllables. Like a mom would say "it's dinner time" with a little up and down intonation, and some < > crescendo and decrescendo in there. He was always saying Mike Mills- he made it sound like there are 3 syllables instead of two. In any case, this entry isn't about Josh Jones (with 3 syllables), it is about Mike Mills (with 3 syllables).

Mike has always had a passion about him that is attractive. He is creative, I wish I had a picture of the project he made for an art class he took- he turned some chunks of wood into a vase with hardware flowers. It was really creative and I was impressed. I don't remember what he called it, but it was a clever name. Mike can make you feel important, and one of a kind. He is a very good story teller, with voice impressions and actions to go with it, he can make a melodramatic situation in to a comedic hilarity. Mike has really strong arms, I have never seem him loose in an arm wrestle. Mike is a good dad, he is always happy to engage in a game with his kids. These are a few things I love about Mike.

Bridesmaid dresses

2009-06-23T16:49:00.001-07:00

We have to get dresses. Blah! Trying to fit all our different body types, styles, sizes, and color tone is annoying. It will be fun once it is finished. I thought these were some great bridesmaid dress choices. What do you think? Classic or just plain strange?

Sunshine

2009-06-22T13:17:00.000-07:00

Today the sun is out and the sky is blue. Little white fluffy clouds are scattered about, and the mountains are purple and green. What a beautiful day.

Since the weather has been so rainy, most of my plants are in shock. I think it's funny that they have gotten too much water. All my plants are intended for a dry climate and some of them have turned a little brown. Not dried up brown, but too moist brown. This week they should perk up a bit with the warmer, dryer weather.

I have been talking to Mike about going to visit my Auntie Cathi in Washington state. While there, I want to take my kids to the Hoh rain forest. I went there when I was a teenager, it was pretty amazing. I have been in 2 different rain forests. One in South America and one in North America. They are so different from each other. In South America there were bugs and bugs and more bugs. Bugs that would eat the skin on your legs before you even knew they were there. Sticky bugs that would fly into your hair, then you would have to cut them out before they built a bug nest in your braids. Bugs that glowed, slimy ones, bright ones. Florescent toads (or maybe they were frogs), mosquitoes,etc. If I had been looking at that rain forest on film it would have been much more enjoyable. The Hoh rain forest was so different. Tons of vegetation in every nook and cranny imaginable, but there weren't any disgusting, slimy, hot, humid, gamy, bugs that drove you to your wits end. Needless to say, I am absolutely fine never visiting a hot, humid rain forest again. I hope they will always be there, but I never want to be in one again. The cooler rain forest would be great though! Hopefully we will make it up there this summer. I know it would be a great vacation for the kids, and I know I would love it too.

My Dad

2009-06-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

Kind
To anyone he meets
Patient
With anyone who needs more time
Understanding
When challenges try to take us
Listens
To the good and the bad
Generous
With his hope, faith, and charity
Loving
Unconditionally

My Dad
I love Him!

Laughing

2009-06-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

I went to a movie last night with some girl friends. I am not usually a fan of chick flicks because they usually make me get teary, and getting teary is not something I like. It makes me feel like I don't have control over myself, which is something else I don't like. (On a side note, it turns out Mike likes when I loose my reservedness, it makes him feel like I am a real person. Does he think I am a fake person? LOL, who knows). I suggested we go see Terminator, or Star Trek, or Pelham 123 (which turns out to be R rated, so that one was off the table for me). We went to see The Proposal. I laughed a lot. I was surprised at how much I laughed. The story isn't really surprising, but the lame stuff that happens within the story is surprising. And, to have a body like Sandra Bullock- well, that would be really great- here's to wishing, right? Betty White is so unappropriated and right on, it is hilarious. Well, it turns out, I just needed a great laugh. Good times. And, another plus, I bought myself a cute little zebra print clutch. Love it.

Something New

2009-06-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

I have never been in my house alone before. This is something new. I am not sure what to do with myself. I have been given strict instructions to not stress out over getting the closets cleaned out, the garage organized, teach lessons, etc. I am supposed to sleep and do what ever I want. What do I want to do? Maybe I will go lay by the pool- how do you do that without kids? I am sure I can figure it out, it has just been a long time. I am excited for this new thing- a little freaked out about how to tackle it though, hahaha, that sounds really lame! This weekend will be strange and fun.

Breakthrough

2009-06-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

When working on something for a long time, it is an amazing feeling when you finally have a breakthrough. Even though I am tired and I still feel lost, the breakthrough is great!

I need to have a breakthrough with Samantha. Her stubbornness is tireless and she wears me out. Remember the Olivia books? Samantha is my Olivia. She is stubborn, creative, messy, loving, emotional, sweet . . . I haven't yet figured out how to communicate effectively with her. I realized yesterday that she and Mike are so much alike. What does this say about my communication with Mike? It isn't the greatest, but it is getting better. I think he would agree with me. I have always said Emily and Mike are alike, but this is not true. Emily and Mike have such a good time together, they like to play Wii together, and go to movies together, I think they really enjoy each others company. But as far as personalities go, Samantha and Mike are more alike than I realized. The look in their eyes has this sad, yet beautiful quality- it is deep and full of emotion. Hmmm, puzzling. This will definitely be a topic that I will roll around in my mind for a while.

Engaged!

2009-06-17T02:57:00.000-07:00

My sister Catey is engaged. She and Jeremy are so smitten by each other. I remember all those feelings. I recently read some old journal entries. My memory was flooded with all those emotions of wanting to be with the person you love more than you want to do anything else- the day can't come soon enough- the heart stopping moments you feel when it is time to say goodbye for the day, oh! how you will miss them as they drive away (even though you know you will see them tomorrow)- the sparkle in your eyes- the quickness in your step when you know they are the person on the other end of the ringing phone- the peace and comfort you feel knowing you are in the arms of someone who loves you just as much as you love them- the bright anticipation of the future- I am happy for Cate. I am happy she gets to feel that kind of love, and Jeremy too. I hope they will have the happiest life together, and will always love and respect each other more and more as they grow old together. Congrats Cate. I love you.

6/16

2009-06-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

Today is Nate's birthday! Happy birthday Nate. Nate has always been a good brother. Annoying and teased too much sometimes, but a good brother. I have always been able to count on him to help out when it really counted. He and my brother Sam taught me how to ride a bike when I was 3 without training wheels. They were so nice! Give one up for brothers!! Happy Birthday Nate!

New day New week

2009-06-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

Here's to a fresh start this week. Last week was full of so many unsuspected surprises (not so good one's) and trials. This week will to be better. We are off to a good start. So far, nothing surprising. True, it is still the wee hours of the morning, but you just never know.

Last night I had some unexpected visitors. I was so happy to see them. I feel like I haven't talked with them for months. I am glad they came over. It's amazing how good friends can feel your spirit even when you feel like you have been out of touch with them for a while. Yea! for good friends!

I just finished the book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. I had skimmed through it several years ago and liked it well enough, but this time I really read it. I love the strength of the women in this book. They are true to themselves and what they believe in. Grandma Mary Romley says in the book to live in each moment like it is your first and your last. Even though I hear that often enough, it struck me more vividly this time. To me that doesn't mean you can go around eating, playing, and being merry. It means to hold true to your standards, relish in the happiness, learn from the sadness, get as much knowledge as you can, don't relive your mistakes, and have a pure love in your heart and mind for all things good. I am going to try really hard to be a better person this week. One day at a time.

Sleep

2009-06-14T05:03:00.001-07:00

Like I was saying before, sleep is not overrated. So here I am at 6am on a Sunday morning with nothing to do but sleep, but I am not asleep.

Yesterday was a beautiful rainy day. Every time I looked out past the frame of my sunglasses I noticed the amazing colors that melded together in the sky. The colors created a picturesque frame for the vibrancy of the mountains. Everything feels so alive, fresh, and clean after a rain like that. I wish I had a time lapsed photo of the sky from yesterday. Truly amazing.

In the wonderful rain I worked on my parents house. My sister and I spent nine hours there yesterday. After many days of work already, it just doesn't seem like we have accomplished that much, but then I think of everything we have taken away already- this would be another great time lapse photo.

When stress runs high, sleep is low. I need more sleep when stress levels are high. I may have to start taking something to help with that. Hopefully the little people will sleep in.

I hate HOA's

2009-06-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

I live in an HOA neighborhood and I can say that I hate having to pay for the HOA dues and then get screwed anyway. I want all my money back, and I want to move out of the neighborhood.

Emily's Mom & Dad Date

2009-06-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

It was Emily's turn to have both parents undivided attention today. She wanted to go Trafalga, so we did mini golf, batting cages, arcade games, etc. She is talented, helpful, smart, beautiful, and everything else good. Thanks Emily for being my girl!

Sleeping In

2009-06-12T09:01:00.000-07:00

When was the last time I really got to sleep in. This morning- I slept until after 9am. Sleeping is not over-rated. I feel refreshed, bright and ready. This sleeping in thing should happen more often.

6/11 journal

2009-06-11T07:39:00.000-07:00

oh the night is long and lonely
when the light turns cold and the days warmth gives way
shadows of shapes not recognizable
seem to creep from under the door
into dreams.

tight grips sharply grasp a beating heart
breaking love and lust
left alone

the day dawns near
elongated shapes reappear
short shadows lost

warm light descends into windows
filters through layers
seeping deep into pained coatings
reaching for a spark to lift up and light

25 Things I am Grateful For

2009-06-10T15:29:00.000-07:00

I am copying an idea from a friend, but this is a good thing to do from time to time.
1. Emily
2. Samantha
3. Andrew
4. Beautiful music
5. Summer rain
6. Mom and Dad
7. Brothers and Sisters
8. Life's lessons, hoping we don't have to learn the hard ones more than once.
9. Headache remedies
10. Aunties- I have 2. They have both loved me so much all my life.
11. The ability to forgive- I wish I was better at forgetting.
12. Being forgiven- I don't know if people forgive me for lame stuff I do and say, but I sure hope so.
13. Shelter from the storms
14. Comfort and safety
15. Education
16. Knowledge
17. Supportive friends
18. Happy memories
19. Modern photography to capture those happy memories
20. Nieces and Nephews- I love you guys so much
21. Good books
22. Nice text messages
23. Fragrant flowers- the Iris are in full bloom, I can smell them from the other side of the house.
24. Healthy bodies (and minds?)
25. Our Savior

Many things on this list might be different from one day to the other. It is hard to stop at 25.

Goodbye Facebook

2009-06-10T15:08:00.000-07:00

I had to say goodbye to facebook because it is just too addicting, and everyone knew way too much about everyone's business. Since I am a prickly pear (according to Mike) I decided to just log off forever. Actually, I am having some withdrawal, but it is great to not know everyone's business all of the time. Can you imagine what the neighborhoods would be like if we actually got to know the people living on our street, or the next door down? I took some cookies to my across the street neighbor last week. We have been across the street neighbors for almost three years, I didn't even know his name until last Saturday. Pretty lame. What about those lame ". . . " statuses? Those sure get people going in one way or another. hahahaha! Well, until next time . . .

I just did a . . . HAHAHA (evil laugh)

2008-12-04T12:53:00.000-08:00

more summer photos

2008-12-04T12:47:00.000-08:00

summer photos

2008-12-04T12:43:00.000-08:00

Summer that never got mentioned

2008-12-04T12:20:00.000-08:00

This summer was full of so many fun and hard things. Since I am not the best at keeping up with this, it is happening at Christmas. We spent Pioneer Day in Nevada, at one of my most favorite places in the world. There is always a spirit of gladness, tons to do (if you like adventure and dirt), and family. A great memory for my kids is that we were able to follow some wild mustangs! Truly! My uncle knew just where to find them. My kids still talk about it. We also went to Antelope Island for the first time (that I can remember). It was really fun, we saw a bunch of Bison and got to talk to an artist who put one of his works on the island for people to enjoy. It was really cool. My kids called it a "gypsy boat". There were solar panels on it so it could power a freezer. If you were tenacious enough to go out in the field and look at the art, you would be rewarded because there were fudge pops in the freezer. It was really fun. Also, boating at Jordanelle, picnics at Silver Lake Flat (where we were too close to a mama moose), sisters day out, Lehi Round-up, and so much more. It was a great summer.

So, Who is your alter ego?

2008-11-07T22:41:00.000-08:00

Wonder Woman is my alter ego and has been since I have memory of myself. My favorite thing to do was eat my lunch and watch WW on the TV after kindergarten. Of course my awesome "super" mom made me an awesome WW suit to go along with my fasination. I have a rather large collection of WW items. Most of these things are in storage, but someday, I will have a place to put them where I can admire them on a regular basis. So, who is your alter ego?

Hemihypertrophy

2008-11-07T22:22:00.000-08:00

I recently found out that my little guy has a condition called hemihypertrophy. There isn't a lot of information about this out there. I have found a good website though. Right now, he seems to be doing great and I am hopeful that everything will continue to be great. We are scheduled to get MRI's done still. There is a lot I don't know. Besides getting an ultrasound every three months to check for tumors on his kidneys, and getting his shoe modified to help him not be uneven, I don't really know what else to do or even what to ask? If you have any suggestions or know anything that would be helpful, let me know. For now, we are just laughing it up watching him. He is a crazy social little guy.

Visiting a Public Bathroom

2008-09-26T14:01:00.000-07:00

I got this from my friend's web page, and laughed out loud all by myself.

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern ’seat covers’ (invented by someone’s Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty or in some new, ’cost-efficiency’ bathrooms there isn’t one at all. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one but there isn’t - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume ‘ The Stance.’

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You’d love to sit down, but you certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold ‘The Stance.’

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother’s voice saying, ‘Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!’ Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose with yesterday - the one that’s still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It’s still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn’t work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. ‘Occupied!!’ you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It’s wet of course. You bolt up knowing all too well that it’s too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew. Certainly her bare bottom never touched ! ! ! a public toilet seat because, frankly dear, ‘You just don’t KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.’
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At this point, you give up. You’re soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You’re exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.You can’t figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman’s hand and tell her warmly, ‘Here, you just might need this.’

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men’s restroom. Annoyed, he asks, ‘WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG, and WHY IS YOUR PURSE HANGING AROUND YOUR NECK??’ This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with public restrooms (rest??? you’ve GOT to be kidding!!).

It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!Women everywhere, have a good laugh AND don’t forget to have a mammogram!!!!!! It could save your life! A Friend Is Like A Good Bra…
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

He loves the Dogs!

2008-09-19T08:57:00.000-07:00

Andrew is a puppy. Not a human boy. His best friends are dogs, they are the nicest friends a little boy puppy could ask for.

Harps on Ledges

2008-09-17T14:31:00.000-07:00

Wow! It has been forever. Summer is over, kids are older, oh, I am older too, but will be 30 for the next few years still so no worries. I had a great time with my harpists on tour! What shall we do next? No, this took a lot out of me and my family. It will be at least a couple years till we do this again. Having said that, it was great. I need to post some better pics. These just don't do our concerts justice. I was working though, not frolicking around with my camera, so I don't have very many photos. Any of you who have more pictures are welcome to share! And we can be heard on the web at http://www.pluggd.tv/audio/channels/orchestra_of_southern_utah/episodes/4xf24?play=1

San Fran, California

2008-05-15T23:22:00.000-07:00

I recently went to Cali with my sis in laws and mom in law. I had a blast. We had to stay over an extra night because we were flying stand by and our flight filled up, but it all worked out. Imagine, there were 8 ladies, all of us have kids. We all had to call our husbands and tell them to take an extra day off of work because we wouldn't be home from our party for another 24 hours. As badly as I felt, I didn't feel badly enough to find a different way home.

I hope we can do this kind of thing again. It was really great. I got to do things I had never done before- Alcatraz, China Town, Japan town, hang out with the in laws (without the threat of being ditched for a computer game!)

Thanks to Kaelynn who arranged all the flights and hotel. It was a blast!

2008-05-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

Mike says "wat up yo?! how bout those David's?" (He's been watching too much American Idol). We just call it AI around here. Go David A!

New information, you should take note and be there or be square. Here is a list of our summer concerts Harps on a Ledge:
July 21st, 8pm- Thanksgiving Point Children's Garden Amphitheater
Aug 6th, SUU Music Hall
Aug 8th, Tanner Amphitheater in Zion National Park
Aug 9th, Tuacahn

I will post our great publicity photos soon!

Renee Flemming on O Mio . . .

2008-03-09T09:02:00.000-07:00

You will need to copy and paste the link below this post in a new page to hear Renee Flemming's version of O Mio Babbino Caro. It is worth listening to.

O mio Babbino caro

2008-03-08T21:04:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tD9RQ4QuS4w&feature=email

This is truly one of the most beautiful things that has happened; Puccini- aah, and Renee together, what a match. This is one of my most favorite songs. I hope this link works so you can enjoy it too.

Story Telling Festival

2008-02-29T22:20:00.000-08:00

Emily has entered a story telling competition. Without my involvement, she entered, wrote a story, then said to me that she hopes I can come to her school to see her tell her story. I had to call the school to figure out what she was talking about. There were 12 kids from her grade that entered, she is one of 3 finalists. She is working on her story this week a little more to add some detail and length to it, (by recommendation of the judges). I am impressed with how she has taken the recommendations, and hopes she does well next week when K-3 grades compete against each other. The one finalist from that group will go on to the next level and compete against students from other schools. What a great experience this is for the kids who have participated.

Not too fancy and really cold

2008-01-23T22:52:00.000-08:00

We recently discovered the children's books about Fancy Nancy (thank you to Becki and Eva). We now read about Nancy Clancy aka, Fancy Nancy everyday. She has a "posh puppy" and Sam really likes the sound of that. (We already have a high maintenance dog named Penny).

I love Wednesdays. They are all about my kids. Sam and Emily both have dance, then Emily has piano. I don't teach at all in the afternoon on Wed, and I get to chat with good friends while waiting for the girls in the dance classes. Today we made the mistake of walking to dance. Even though it is just a block or so away, it was so cold today, we were only half way there before the chill got to Samantha. She almost didn't make it she was so upset. We are looking forward to Saturday. Hopefully we will stay home, stay warm, get a lot accomplished, have a good time together, and not get sick (lately that is what weekends have been used for).

I recently joined an online book club called goodreads.com. I have enjoyed reading people's book reviews and seeing what my friends are reading/have read so much that I check the site several times a day just to see if anyone has added anything. I also love seeing what my nephews and nieces are reading. I feel like I understand them more when I see that we have read the same book and both enjoyed it.

Ahh Sunday

2008-01-13T20:33:00.000-08:00

Sunday is a busy day. I am glad I don't shop and do other things on Sunday; it would be impossible to fit all of Sunday's activities in. I just got called to Senior Primary Chorister, that is on top of my other 3 callings. Today I subbed for Junior Primary, the little one's are really funny. It was hard for me to not bust up in laughter in front of everyone today. There was a little boy how was trying to fit his head through the sleeve of his coat, and a little girl who was poking her toes out of the holes in her tights, and the primary presidency was just kickin it in the back chatting (I am sure it was about primary stuff). What a funny day in primary. After church I went right to the computer to start working on one of my other callings, and Mike went to a scout meeting. I forgot to feed the kids so all the happiness we brought home from church erupted into fighting and ornery attitudes. All settled and was well after a snack. We went to my parents house this evening because I left my phone there yesterday. Now that I write it down it doesn't seem like that much, but it felt like ton, may be because we didn't go to bed till 2:30am. We had a great time visiting some good friends, the Williams family, last night in Brigham City. We were having too much fun and forgot to leave at a reasonable hour. Now it is the end of the day, we are making preparations for the new week. Here we go, starting a new week. It always flies by. I hope to savor the little moments that I will never get back, Samantha's hugs, Emily's jokes, and Andrew's babble. Good night. Sleep tight.

Little Man

2008-01-13T20:01:00.000-08:00

Andrew is so silly. If he isn't sleeping, he is usually hamming it up. He loves Sammy's Dora chair, he fits in it perfectly. Luckily Sammy adores her little brother so she doesn't mind sharing the chair with him. He babbles and squaks, and his eyes twinkle when he looks at you.

What a Heart Breaker

2008-01-04T23:19:00.000-08:00

She just melts me. My kids have me.

Celebration VII

2007-11-15T20:27:00.000-08:00

We recently had a huge concert, (the largest gathering of young musicians in the world to play together). It was so much work, but wonderful. We had over 140 harps there, all together there were more than 2000 young musicians who participated in this concert, violin, cello, bass, viola, piano, organ, flute, voice, guitar, and harp. It was moving and amazing. I was honored to be on the committee who put it all together.

BYU Crazies!

2007-11-14T10:06:00.000-08:00

We had a big party before one of the BYU football games. My brother Nate and his baby Sam presented Drew with a matching jersey! We are working on the next all star team!

(Drew, Uncle Nate, Sam)